tonight i am tired. i have a few thoughts in my head i want to write about, but my eyelids are winning this evening.
i was feeling a little anxious about not having the energy to share what's been going on in my heart and head this week. i didn't want to miss a day. i didn't want to fail.
but i'm learning that i'm not a blog every day blogger and focusing in on one topic for a month has actually helped me give some thought to this blog.
for the last few months my blogging has mostly been based around other bloggers' link parties and trying to gain new readers from it. the link ups are wonderful things and they have blessed my life. your comments and sweet words bring me so much joy.
but i was so focused on producing content that i thought other people would want to read to like my blog and on just allowing the nature of the link up to dictate what i spent my time blogging about that i lost me, who i am.
it kind of takes the fun away from blogging.
i was afraid of going unnoticed, that not having hundreds of followers would mean it wasn't worth it, that i wasn't worth it to have a blog. i forgot all the times that people have told me something i've written has helped them. i'd cultivated an attitude of discontent in my heart. i repent and give thanks. it's humbling to think that people i don't even know would take a few moments out of their day to encourage me.
it's not just a want, but i believe it's a need to be who i am. in every facet of life. and just plain and simple not worry about the number of comments a post will receive or if anyone is even reading this.
i don't want to waste my life worrying about things that don't matter.
and [if i'm really going to be honest] i want to see other bloggers as people, not just as numbers and stats. i've never been the type of person to have a ton of friends. i am built that i am best with a few close friends. so it's kind of silly to think my blog wouldn't function that way too.
in the end, it's not going to matter how many people read my blog. i'm going to be accountable only for what i do with it. am i sharing His work in my life? am i encouraging others in the race? am i spurring others on toward love and good deeds?
am i glorifying and bringing honor to Him with my blog?
i want to be able to answer yes.