Tuesday, April 20

the prayer of the heart

"Lord, as you will, and as you know, have mercy."


- Abba Macarius (Henri Nouwen, The Way of the Heart)

Tuesday, April 13

true things

don't you love when you find a new band or artist to listen to? i do. and funny enough i was thinking a few days ago about how i hardly listen to music anymore. sometimes everything just seems exhausted. but because God has made us creative beings, music is being created every day. and in turn, i find someone new who brings refreshment to my musical soul. this time it was jj heller. it seems she's been around for some time, but i just discovered her for myself and l.o.v.e. her music! sometimes someone else seems to put your thoughts, emotions, hopes and dreams into words you just can't at the time, and i've found this to be true with several of her songs. as i've struggled in the past and continue to wrestle now with identity, this song has become something i sit and meditate and can find myself feeling a bit more centered once again...

true things

i’m not the clothes i’m wearing
i’m not a photograph
i’m not the car i drive

i’m not the money i make
i’m not the things i lack
i’m not the songs that i write
 
i am … who i am
i am who i am

there are true things inside of me
i have been afraid to see
i believe, help my unbelief
would you say again what you said to me
i am loved and i am free
i believe, help my unbelief

i’m not the house i live in
i’m not the man i love
i’m not the mistakes that i carry

i'm not the food that i don’t eat
i’m not what i’m above
i’m not my scars and my history

there are true things inside of me 
i have been afraid to see
i believe, help my unbelief
would you say again what you said to me
i am loved and i am free
i believe, help my unbelief

to your love i’m waking up
in your love i’m waking up


jj heller, jjheller.com

Friday, April 9

jersey bound

it's hard to believe...
but this little munchkin...
turns 3 next week!
so we're heading to jersey this weekend to celebrate her!
happy birthday kaylee cakes!

Tuesday, April 6

it takes time

it takes time to learn the highways, side roads, main roads and back roads of a new place.

it takes time to understand new work responsibilities.

it takes time for new friendships to grow into deep ones.

it takes time for a new living space to feel like home.

it takes time to figure out what life in a new town can look like - according to His will and glory.

it takes time for a new place to become an old, familiar one.

it takes time to be comfortable in one's skin.

be patient. it takes time.

Friday, April 2

::hold on::

six months ago today my nine day old niece died. it's incredible to think that this much time has already passed. the horrific images in my mind of her lifeless body, the scarring scenes that play in dark and lonely hours of our arrival to the PICU to see them operating on her for the last time before turning to us to tell us it was over, the ease with which tears still flow, uncontrollably with force i didn't know i was capable of.

that day too was a friday. this morning i read a few accounts of jesus' final hours. being in the face of death is life changing. tori mae's death changed two families and many others. jesus' death changed the lives of countless millions.

i dare say, though, that at times it is good to sit and dwell in the mournful state loss brings. that the despair is even necessary to understand life. but only for a time. 

because the story doesn't end there. jesus' story didn't end in death. jesus' story ends in life.

because of tori's death, over 200 people heard the story of Life.

so go today, tell your story. the story of pain, despair, loneliness, sorrow and hurt. then tell the story. the story of love, grace, hope and life.

Thursday, April 1

if i may...

today is a 

kind of day!

and that's all i'm going to say

because it's time to get out and play!
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