Sunday, October 9

day 8 :: ...action!

casting out fear requires action. i decided i need to hold myself accountable in some way to this this month if i really am going to spend this time casting out fear. it's kind of hard to write about something when you haven't exactly done it. here are things i know have a hold over me that i want to conquer in the next 22 days or so:

- decorate my dining room wall :: i'm sure that sounds pretty silly, but it's big and bare and i have been putting off hanging anything on it for 7 months because i fear it won't look "right." i see amazing home design on the internet and i'm afraid my place won't turn out as great. i don't want to be consumed by thoughts of what others think of me anymore. after all, it is my wall and my apartment and if i love it, that's really all that matters! and if i don't love it, i start over (:

- post unedited pictures on the blog :: i've always struggled with how i see myself, my self image. there's definitely more to write about in another post [or four], but i can't say i always like what i see in the mirror and the same goes in the camera lens. like my decorating, i make decisions in my life based on what i think others will think of me. i fear rejection and being unnoticed. i hardly, if ever, post pictures on my blog that haven't been edited to make them "better." i want to post unedited pictures because i want to learn how to be ok with myself and who i am.

- i have lived with anxiety and depression for as long as i can remember :: i want to do something about this. this is a big fear battle for me. i'm not sure exactly what to say about what i'm going to do, but i believe that i don't have to live this way and i want to try to figure it out.

- i fear money, and more specifically the lack of it. :: as a result i haven't been to a doctor or dentist in [eek] years. i want to trust God to provide for all my needs and not let a fear of money have control over me. i want to at least schedule a visit to a doctor before the end of october.

yikes. i look at this list and get a bit nervous about following through on these things. i guess that means they're definitely a few of my fears, right? (: i'm trusting that God will honor my trust in Him, that He will not leave me, and that He will be my salvation. there are a series of hurtles laid out in front of me. now i need to jump and have faith that He will carry me over them!

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