Tuesday, December 29

keep on driving, you're almost there...

...You can smell the sea salt in the air
Keep on singing those beautiful songs
They will keep you company when the ride gets long.

things here are about to change. prayers have been answered. i am moving to new york! life is in transition. more to come, but for now i must wrap up life in new jersey!

Monday, December 21

commitment, according to my starbucks cup

the irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. the act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. to commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

(anne morriss)

Thursday, December 17

simply embrace

tonight is going to be simple (:

first, watch this:
Music Videos by VideoCure

the simple power of a hug.

i wholeheartedly agree with those who say that physical touch can be healing. there are times where words seem to hold no meaning, where actions are pointless, but the simple presence and embrace of another person can be everything. a hug, in all its simplicity, can say so much.

all you need is love...

Wednesday, December 16

life, liberty and the pursuit of knowledge

(i originally wrote this november of last year but read it again tonight and was amazed at how much i'm still at this point.)

on my mind increasingly more lately has been a desire to go back to school.

i like to think that an intellectual and even educational environment is part of what defines flourishing for me.

but i'm having a slight hesitation deciding exactly what i'd like to study. a decision here will be followed by an even bigger problem of financial ability.

but... first things first - what does one follow up a bachelor's in psychology and business minor with?

there are a lot of subjects i think i'd like to dabble around in. i'd like to learn web design. and take more social and cognition psych classes. and possibly learn a little bit about journalism. and gain a better understanding of communications and PR. and i just started a book on philosophy that has me remembering how fond of my logic class i was. hello my name is sarah and i'm a student for life.

and of interest for a whole other blog is how very much i am holding a megaphone for the concept of a Renaissance woman... one who "is neither an expert nor a specialist. he or she knows more than just a little about "everything" instead of knowing "everything" about a small part of the entire spectrum of modern knowledge." (http://alexpetrov.com/memes/hum/renaissance-man.html). am i a product of my culture, feeling quite accomplished and proud of ourselves to know a bit about this and a tad about that? does God call us to pursue this kind of broader knowledge or should we live our lives trying to be the best we can be, know the most we can possibly know, about a more specific topic? just thinking out loud here folks (:

of course, my undergrad education would tell me i was learning how to be an independent learner (ok maybe add some english classes to that list) during my time at malone. unfortunately, like my waistline during the holidays, i've let my academic disciplines go and am pretty certain i need a structured environment within which to study and research and learn. at least for now. not that these last 3 years in the real world haven't proved to be full of lessons. but this is focused on the academic world.

which brings me to my next dilemma. (ok not really, but i needed a smooth transition!) the pursuit of knowledge is, in my opinion, a beneficent goal. but who, exactly, does it benefit? you? or the world around you? i don't want knowledge for the sake of knowledge. i want whatever it is i pursue academically to help me to be an agent of change in this world. to the people i am surrounded by, to the ways i live my life, to the way i understand and deepen my relationship with Jesus - to use knowledge to impact those around me and bring His Kingdom to earth.

also running on the mental treadmill is the question - just how do i take all these things that interest me, these things i have talent in and the things my heart is dreaming of and wrap it all up into one nicely adorned package? (and is my inital planning for grad school an attempt to have a fabricated control over this?) i'm just beginning to be somewhat ok with the answer - you don't. life's too messy to allow for this.

"for i know the plans i have for you"... plans to grow you and stretch you and allow you seasons so that all the dreams i also have for you may be accomplished during your journey. (translation from TCV, or the champ's version!) emphasis here on journey. i have an entire lifetime, no matter how short or long that may be, to explore, to pursue, to challenge and to learn. the key is in using any wisdom or insight i might gain, in school or beyond, to become a person who reflects more and more of the Jesus this world needs.

Monday, December 14

I'm still here

It’s the rainbow that appears when you’re fresh out of hope.
The gifts that come when you feel forgotten.
The kind, warm email from someone you didn’t think even paid attention to you, let alone the things that matter most to you.
The parking spot that opens up on a busy, crowded shopping day.

Each day God whispers softly to us, “I’m still here.”
Are you listening and looking for the ways He’s reaching out to you?
It’s all too easy to get wrapped up in myself, my life, my thoughts, my way, and forget His promise to never leave or forsake me.
Undeservedly, He loves me every day. Yet sometimes I make this only head knowledge: God sent His one and only Son, to die, so that I can spend all of eternity with Him. Now, this is first and this is foremost. This is what life boils down to. God tells us He is love, and His sacrifice on the cross for us alone proves this. But it’s not just an eternity thing.
God is the Creator of romance. He is the author of relationship. When you’re in love, you think of ways to show the person. It’s important that they know you love them. You do things, you give things, you spend time with them, you try as hard as you can to make their life happier, easier, and more enjoyable. So why should we think God isn’t doing this for us here and now?
It’s true the Bible says that we will suffer for Christ’s name. I know this to be true. A relationship with God does not mean things will go the way we want them to, that people will always hold doors open for us or let us in front of them when we’re trying to pull out on a busy road. It doesn’t mean everyone we meet will like us or we’ll get the things we want. But it does mean that God will always be with us, and as long as He is with us, He wants to lavish His love upon us.
As cliché as it may sound, God wants to write a love story with me. He wants to surround me with true, unconditional love. He wants to show me what relationship really is. He wants to love on me and desires I seek out His love and open my heart and mind to His ways.
He’s still there. He always has been and always will be.
Will you choose to see and walk in His love?

Thursday, December 10

simple things thursday

another thursday is almost over! this week i am thankful for unexpected things... like winning this giveaway! before i gush about the lovely necklace i cannot wait to start wearing, i just need to say that if you are reading this post, you must check out sarah markley's. her words are inspiring, challenging, beautiful and real. sometimes i can find it hard to find God in the day-to-day. sarah's blog challenges me to see Him in ways i never would have imagined.

so i was both surprised and elated this week to see her name in my inbox yesterday right next to the words YOU WON! as a person who doesn't win anything... scratch-off lottery tickets, raffle nights, you name it... i had to thank God because being the recipient of these gifts was simply, to me, His way of saying 'I am still here. I haven't forgotten about you. I love you and care for you.' and i'm now anticipating some mail in the next few days holding Chris Tomlin's new Christmas cd and this necklace:

it's handmade by these lovely ladies and i can't wait to see it in person!

also unexpected was a phone call i received to set up an interview for a job i'd very much like to have. i'm trying to stay pretty calm and collected about it, but even getting an interview simply restores so much of my self esteem, confidence and drive to continue looking and pursuing this move to western new york! another way i feel God is just reassuring me to hold on.

simply unexpected.

Tuesday, December 8

victory over defeatedness

i came to the realization today that i am living in defeat. my thoughts, words and actions are the direct result of certain beliefs i have about myself. as i thought more about this, two things became pretty clear to me. first, that these beliefs are things that i have chosen to believe and, second, that they are false.

this understanding is only the beginning. i don't want to continue living my life simply with the knowledge that i am living under lies. i want to walk in the truths that God has given to me.

i spent some time praying that God would show me the lies and then fill my heart and mind with His truth...

i am not beautiful, nor will i ever be. i am fearfully and wonderfully made. (ps139:14)

my life isn't really amounting to anything. in other words, what the heck am i doing with my life? i am God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for me to do. (eph2:10)

i will never be as good at/attractive/caring/witty/etc as so-and-so. each man has his own gift from God. . . God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. (1cor7:7 and 12:18)

i will never get over my niece's death. it is simply a loss. death has been swallowed up in victory. where, O death, is your victory? where, O death is your sting?. . . thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1cor54-55,57)

i am living my life in fear of the next 'bad thing'... the next bombshell... the next bad news... the next circumstance that brings pain. peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. . . do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid. (john14:27)

i don't want this to be about feeling better because Scripture says some pretty good things about me or my life. my desire is that these truths will soak through to the core of my being, and that my thoughts, words and actions would be a direct result of truth not lies.

i am sick and tired of bearing the burden of lies.

i desire His yoke and His burden (matt11:30).

He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Thursday, December 3

warm simple things

on monday, after most people were bargained up, shopped out and headed back to work and school, i finally ventured out to the mall. and i think i actually gave thanks for the economic slump because ohmyword the deals are blowing right past black friday and seem to be getting better and better through the holiday season! despite all of that, though, i walked away monday with just one thing. (again, thank you to the economic slump...)

for $15 i said hello to a warmer winter:

a simple sherpa lined hoodie that not only looks good but feels good and will keep me good and warm all winter long. oh happy day!

Thursday, November 26

giving thanks

'give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.' (1Thess5:18)

this thanksgiving, i wanted to share something i heard this week regarding this verse and one small word... in. throughout my life, i think i've interpreted this instruction to read - give thanks for all circumstances. i think sometimes as Christians, we may be encouraged to give thanks for our circumstances, no matter what they may be. which is real easy to do when things are "going your way". but what about when they aren't? when you lose your job? when you can't afford your mortgage and your house is foreclosed? when yet another person you know is diagnosed with cancer? when your 9 day old niece dies unexpectedly? when you've been praying about something for weeks or months or years and God seems silent? when you feel like you just can't take any more bad news?

when my mindset is that i should be giving thanks for my circumstances, i start questioning God. i question His love, His goodness, His kindness. i ask why? i get angry, my attitude turns bitter, and i start to doubt Him.

but that is not at all what God is asking of me. He wants me to give thanks in all circumstances. this one little word makes a world of difference in my heart. our circumstances are going to be trying and at times, unbearable. but our hearts can give thanks. we can choose a posture of gratitude. today, i'm giving thanks for my salvation, for a family and friends who stand by one another in the face of tragedy, and for a God who loves me, just as i am.

my circumstances are out of my control. the beat of my heart is up to me.

today, i'm giving thanks in my circumstances.

Monday, November 23

advent conspiracy

i don't know about you...

but i can't wait to eat my first candy cane of the season! or decorate the christmas tree... or consume egg nog on a daily basis... or watch my niece's face when she comes downstairs christmas day and finds presents under the tree... or watch 'the muppet christmas carol', 'a charlie brown christmas' and 'the grinch who stole christmas' (the old cartoon version of course!) with family and friends.

i can wait, however, to shop in an overly crowded mall as each and every store seeks to entice me with their best deals,bargains and things i just 'have to have'. i can wait to watch my own self-centered and materialistic mind begin a wish list of a few items i'd like this holiday season, which will then snowball into a list of junk stuff that is way too long and way too unnecessary. i can wait on the stress of the season and the quickness with which is always seems to pass as my calendar fills up with one more errand, one more gift to buy, one more commitment to fulfill.

the end of the year has the potential to be stressful, exhausting and lacking meaning. but this video gives me hope that it can be different - christmas can be captivating, refreshing and meaningful. it can reflect Jesus.

i don't know about you...

but watching that video felt like breathing fresh air. i can't wait to conspire.

(and a thank you to northgate and some friends there who are leading a study on this and introduced the organization to me!)

Thursday, November 19

simple things birthday thursday

well... another week has come and gone! today i am thankful for the simple blessing of family, and more specifically, my sister, heather. and may i take this opportunity to add that this post totally has nothing to do with the fact that today is her birthday! ;)

heather has been my sister for 23 years. this means that for 23 years i have had someone to talk to, share clothes with, share a bedroom, play games, create games, discuss boys and their respective cooties, hang out with, pull hair, scream and fight, laugh with, cry with and figure out life! really, in the last 23 years i've had a best friend. and that, i think, simply says it all. (:


happy birthday heather!!!

Thursday, November 12

simple things thursday

i've decided to try something on this here blog. every thursday i want to take the time to write about something in my life. something i'm thankful for... a simple thing. my reason for this (why do i always feel i have to explain myself? hello psychoanalysis!) is mostly due in part to my gigantic fail at this, and this is another attempt to a) cultivate an attitude of thankfulness and gratitude and b) write here more often. so welcome to simple things thursday (:

coming up with today's blog was simple. (oh dear... one day, when i'm all out of ideas, i will write about my corny sense of humor) but really, this pretty much says it all...

it doesn't take much to make me happy... a good book, a slice of fresh banana nut bread, a vanilla rooibos tea latte and a little corner of a starbucks to tuck myself away in for a few hours. feed my stomach, feed my introversion, feed my mind and feed my spirit.

it's the simple things, really (:

Tuesday, November 10

any way the wind blows

the weather has been warm(ish) and wonderful the last few weekends in western new york, so john and i have been enjoying our sunday afternoons by taking drives to explore and see what we can see! this past weekend we drove south, where we saw at least 40-50 of these things:

i understand there's a bit of environmental controversy surrounding their use, however… for the sake of this blog we're just gonna go with i. think. they're. cool. in a quixotic sort of way!

so on sunday john quixote (his cleverness) and i set off in search of these humongous giants. or as i like to call them... wind turbine thingys.

it was a grand time! i did not get car sick. (take that finger lake exploration sunday!) we did not get lost. (ok, with john's sense of direction we never get lost. *knock on wood*) and we did indeed find the wind turbine thingys!

(note: these photos were taken memorial day weekend 2008, when i drove up from cuba the country cuba the town in new york to batavia and first discovered them!)

then yesterday i saw this video:

i had no idea we were in such danger.

john quixote and his lady fair: 1. wind turbine thingys: 0.

Thursday, October 29

Romans 8

Deuteronomy 8 says that God fed the Israelites manna because he wanted them to learn that bread is not enough to satisfy our hunger; we need to be fed by God Himself, from the words of His mouth. i read this passage from romans this morning, then went back for seconds because of how rich of truth and promises it is. suffice it to say, i walked away feeling extremely full (: (italic and bold emphasis are mine)

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.c]"> And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirsheirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Wednesday, October 28

livin' on a prayer

for the last year and a half, my job has been to read mail for a radio ministry that is 100% listener supported. we receive donations, orders for ministry resources, letters with questions and the occasional used and chewed up lollipop stick (yes, this really did happen during my first week there). and it all gets funneled through me. which means i also read all of the prayer requests that people write. and as part of my job, i read the requests, rewrite these prayers in a prayer book, and move on to the next piece of mail.
it struck me today that given the amount of need i've seen in the last year and a half, i should be more compassionate.
of all the letters we've received from people opening their hurting hearts and their wounded souls, i should feel more. the brokenness of marriages and families, the battles against disease and cancer and other sicknesses, the need for jobs and financial provision, the struggles with mental disorders, and the hope for healing, restoration and renewal that come from these hurts. the desires to know Jesus more and to find direction in God's will. the request that we just simply pray for them.
but these prayers come on paper. they are written words, with no faces or voices or emotional expressions to attach to them. in essence, with nothing to make them personal. but they are real heart cries.
i need to take something away from this whole experience. i want to learn and be shaped. i desire to come away different.
everyone has a story. everyone suffers. everyone has a prayer. we're not so different.
open my heart with compassion.

Thursday, October 22

'glee is about opening yourself up to joy'

wednesday evenings my facebook world is usually somewhat abuzz about GLEE. and i agree. i am in love with this show! it makes me want to be back in high school choir so bad. that and burst out in song throughout my day at moments of heightened drama!
seriously. GLEE makes my heart happy. the musical performances give me chills. something in me wants to step up and belt it out... choreography, matching outfits, passion and all!
i warned you. i'm a choir nerd.
but enough from me, see for yourself:
find me somebody to love. find me somebody to love. find me somebody to love. for the record, i think we'd all be happier if life were a musical.

Monday, October 19

people keep asking how my family and i are doing. i usually fumble over my words and don't really know what to say to them. in part because it's too much to put into a few words, and partially because i stopped asking myself that same question.

the answer?  

we are still here. we are moving. but we are different. we'll never be the same. and so right now we're trying to establish a new normal. we're grasping for how we are supposed to remember tori mae yet live our lives without her.  

we're thankful for the nine days we got with her, to shower her with love, care and affection. we envy and grieve every day since then we haven't been able to see and touch her.  

we get angry... at the 'why' and the 'what if', but we try to unclench our fists and let it go, knowing that dwelling on those things will never change the past. we have only the present.  

we cry. some days we cry a lot. some not at all. but it's part of grieving, so we're learning to let the tears come when they come and not hold back.  

we're clinging to hope that she is in a place far better than we can imagine and that she knows no more pain, sadness, hurt, suffering, tears or sorrow. we hope that one day there will be more infants to hold and love. and on another day, we will hold and love tori again.

we hold on to faith. faith that God can turn this something bad into something good. faith that He comforts us now so we may comfort others likewise. faith that He Himself is good, even though this whole thing seems so bad.

so, how are we doing? we are here and we are living.

and even though the answer that comes out of my mouth may not sound like much, i am thankful for all the people in our lives who care enough to ask.

Thursday, October 15

Loss and Life

22 days ago, Tori Mae was born. We stood at the hospital looking at a beautiful baby, this tiny little body with a perfectly round head and long fingers and toes. We experienced the wonder of new life. It was a night of hope, excitement and joy.

13 days ago, we stood at the hospital as the doctor turned around to tell us that there was nothing more he could do; my sister's baby was dead. It was a night of shock, despair and sorrow.

These last 2 weeks, I haven't had much to say. We're all just trying to figure things out. Trying to survive, trying to keep moving, trying to come to terms with any of it in our minds and hearts, trying to find our new "normal". We're struggling to simply live life in the face of loss.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Today, with grieving hearts, we will lift up one another in prayer. We will remember Tori Mae and the joy she brought us in 9 days. We will think of and pray for others around the world who have experienced the loss of a child. At 7pm we will light candles and join people across the country in remembering the little ones we have lost.

If you read this, I ask that you say a prayer for anyone who has lost - a prayer for comfort, for peace and for hope. love you always tori mae.

Friday, September 25

she's here!

tori mae was born wednesday, september 23 at 8:46pm. she weighed in at 7 lbs and 20 inches and completely adorable! a few pics are in order:

the beauty sleeping in daddy's arms

big sister kaylee is already a pro at taking care of her little sis (:
the babe and me!

Wednesday, September 23

some time on the links

this warm wednesday evening finds me waiting for my niece to be born!!! and as anyone who has given birth or been around anyone who has given birth will tell you, it takes quite some time for the little one to do his/her thing! so as i'm waiting, thought i'd share some fun webthings (: enjoy the links! do http://www.pinkofperfection.com/2009/09/30-quintessential-fall-activities/ continuing to embrace the fall season! watch http://www.nbc.com/Kings/ i watched the entire season of this short-lived show while i was sick last week. A. MAZ. ING! it's loosely based on the story of David and Saul, and in my humble opinion, the writing is fantastic. ahhh... to talk and live like royalty (: listen http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id=327486223&s=143441 a friend just released a solo album on itunes. it's the perfect fall folksy album. get cozy with a warm beverage (might i recommend a chai?!) and check it out! ok, it's back to baby time! pics to come (:

Monday, September 21

just another monotonous monday

same old, same old today. wake up, take a shower, look for jobs, tweek resume, send resume, spend way too much time looking at pictures and such on facebook, hang out with family and/or friends. intersperse that with some fall shoe shopping, reading, doing devotionals and some phone calls and welcome to my day. sounds promising, relaxing, fun (would anyone like to make a trade?), but... the grass is always greener. the longer these days go on, the more i long for ones that are different. but it's at these times, when i'm feeling at wit's end, that i need to take a deep breath and remember: that breath is a gift. this day is a gift. i'm not guaranteed anything. do not sell today short for hoping and dreaming of something i have no certainty will ever come to be. these days have reason and purpose just as much as any to come. Lord Jesus, help me to live in the present.

Saturday, September 19

a lock in my overflow

do you ever have one thought in your mind but a completely different one comes out of your mouth? or how about compose something in your head, but when you write (or type) it down, it doesn't come out the same way? (like this blog!) why is that? why can i have one thing in my head, and yet it's like something halts it before it's allowed to come out, reads it, edits it and funnels through something that can be quite different from my original thought. sometimes this is intentional. we edit ourselves given the complexities of the situation and the way in which we wish to be perceived. sometimes it is good that we edit ourselves save we hurt others and/or ourselves. but, really, is it not just a mask for who we really are? perhaps i have made for myself a habit of editing, which is why the rough draft can never come out. and while there is definitely good reason for proofing and revising and value in a final draft, there is something to be said for the original. for the part that comes rough and real, untouched by rules, expectations, the "right" thing to say. i censor myself to gain acceptance, yet this creates a feeling of misunderstanding. wait that's not who i really am. how do i turn off the editing, tear down the wall that blocks my head from my mouth, make the thoughts turn into words? i suppose i hope finding the answer to this will make me feel more like me, or help me to understand myself, and make connections with others that feel true. i don't really know if that's the case. i guess at best i can be fairly certain that it will bring me peace about not having regret over the thought that i didn't say what i was really thinking or that things could ever be different had i only said what i really felt. but is peace of mind what i'm really seeking? i want to be undivided. perhaps it's that my heart is unaligned with my head... "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks"(matt12:34)

Friday, September 11

i simply remember...

so seeing as how the temperature is in the 60s today (barely!), it would appear that fall has no problems making an appearance (ahem... i'm talking to you, summer!). instead of letting the chill in the air and dampness in my feet get the best of me, i am attempting to embrace the season. 

this meant i made a banner for the blog and rewrote a little ditty. cue strings!

pumpkin spice lattes, corn mazes with cider,
hoodies, apple pickin' and cuddling by fires,
jumping in crunchy leaves fall'n from the trees,
these are a few of my fav'rite fall things.

when the temps drop,
when the trees die,
when my feet need shoes,
i simply remember my fav'rite fall things,
and then i don't feel so blue!

Thursday, September 10

heck no, H2O

yesterday, on my day off, i got a call giving me a heads up that there would be no running water at work in the morning, and quite possibly into the afternoon. i came in this morning to find 6 trash cans filled with water lined up in the bathroom. a pot of coffee was brewed and is now being consumed by all who are in the office today. may God be with us all.

Wednesday, September 9

a day off

the ministry i was working for at home asked me to work this week, which was a nothing short of a blessing of provision from God. we are all part-timers there so i found myself with this special day free. because i'm me, i started forming a mental list of things i want to accomplish today. it's a little after 2:00pm as i'm writing this and so far i can say i have accomplished:

-sleeping in til 10:00am
-watching some gilmore girls
-making and eating this grilled cheese sandwich, topped off with chicken and honey mustard, because i'm missing john and as we head into fall, grilled cheese is becoming one of our favorite foods to make together. (by the by, we can't wait to try this version!)

otherwise known as not one of the things i'd planned to get done today. but that's just how days off go, no? the things i really hope to get done today:

-get my resume revamped and a cover letter created and apply for an HR job
-read at least another chapter in acedia and me
-complete another day's homework for the book study i'm attending
-spend time with the fam this evening (ch-ch-ch-changes: i am moving 5 hours away and my youngest sister is leaving for marine boot camp in 12 days. my middle sister is due to have her second baby in 14 days and my 2 year old niece is growing up fast! and i don't wanna miss a thiiiing!)

*don't worry i'm not at all sad i'm the only one missing in this picture :(*
only time will tell, folks. and i say it's time to get to it! (random thought: is linking other posts of my blog in a blog considered shameless plugging? plogging? i mean, if you are reading this you're already here right?)

Tuesday, September 8

pairs of doxes

not much to say, and yet so much to say. a little weighing on my mind, and yet a whole lot of weight on my mind. feeling like nothing has changed, and yet feeling everything is changing. hungry, and yet i do not want anything to eat. longing, and yet feeling fulfilled. wishing to be somewhere else, and yet comfortable where i am. tired, and yet wide awake.

Thursday, September 3

the numero uno

God isn't just a big god. He's not just a powerful god. He's not just a loving god. God is THE God. the one and only. sometimes i think we unknowingly and unintentionally don't give God enough credit. how often do i say something like this: "well, i know God is bigger than this situation so it's all going to work out ok"? (disclaimer: i believe in the truth of that statement. i also believe it's very important that we know God, who He is, His love, His power, both both in our heads and hearts) what i'm trying to stress here is that oftentimes we don't give enough reverence to the fact that He is God. ugh, i'm finding this very hard to put into words... the reason that statement is true is because He is God! "I am the Lord, your God" (Exod20:2)

Monday, August 31

the Healer, never broken (pt 2)

After the study on Thursday night, some of the ladies and I were discussing the story we’d heard of the Shepherd and the wayward lamb. At this point, one of the lovely girls there recalled that Jesus’ bones were never broken. And there the story took on additional meaning and significance.

Jesus is referred to as both the Good Shepherd and the Lamb of God. As the Good Shepherd, He cares for us, His sheep. As our Shepherd, He breaks us to bring us back to Him. But when we look at Jesus as the Lamb of God, the perfect Lamb, we find He never strayed from the voice of His Father. A Lamb who walked with His Shepherd all of His days here on earth. Jesus had to live a perfect life in order for Him to be the perfect sacrifice. He had to live a blameless and pure life if He were to take the sins of the entire world onto Himself, and if we were to then be pardoned from them through His sacrifice. This was God’s plan from the beginning. Jesus died for our sins and yet, as John states, as a perfect Lamb, “not one of his bones will be broken” (19:36).

“For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” (2Cor5:21). The Good Shepherd became the perfect Lamb so that we might be made righteous. The sacrifice of His life justifies us before our Creator and Father. He healed the broken relationship between God and the human race, saving us from death. The Healer, never broken, restored us to our Father and gave us new life. And if that isn't enough to make me say "thank you", i don't know what is.

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