Monday, August 30

whenever you reach for me

my niece, kaylee, is 3 1/2 years old. she has a big imagination. any time of day we can find ourselves in the middle of a picnic, a nail salon, or a rock concert. it's amazing to see her develop her personality. and the best part right now? she's a big fan of telling jokes. (totally worth it tangent: her fav joke to tell? 'guess what?... chickenbutt!' and she erupts into laughter. every. single. time.)

my sister was getting her ready to go to bed one night and told her it was time to give john and i our good night hugs and kisses. kaylee looked at her mom, looked at us, then said, "no". no?! no, you don't want to hug the people who listened to your chickenbutt joke a gazillion times and laughed with you every time, sang along to all your silly songs, and showered love and attention and affection on you all. day. long?!? hrmmph! um, yes i know she's only 3. 

she is young, and i don't really think she understands the power of love yet. (*cue synthesizers... and celine*) she doesn't understand that withholding affection from others can make them feel unloved, that the simple act of a hug has the potential to bring joy to its recipient, that her expressions of love or lack thereof have an impact on others.

and even though i really wasn't bothered that she didn't immediately run into my arms after i'd been with her all day, it did get me thinking that at 26, i don't think i understand love yet either.

day in and day out, God pours His love all over me. He desires to laugh with me, weep with me, dream with me, aspire with me, to save me and to be with me. He wants to hold me in His arms when i need rest.

but more often than not, i look around and say "no".

and i wonder if that is because i just don't understand the power of love. or perhaps because, i don't understand the power of Love.

Thursday, August 19

all i want is my bed... and a little less me

phew. crazy last week, friends. i have been working like a dawg! we welcomed a new cohort to the seminary i work for, and new cohort = lots of work and responsibility for the admissions assistant. also known as yours truly. 

i got kind of uneasy as the week progressed. it was definitely a high pressure week with lots riding on me, and i know that when i become busy, i can easily start to believe that i'm more important than i really am. i wrestle with pride when i'm in a leading role. i guess maybe that's a fallen human condition...

i even need to be careful that i don't become prideful in that i've recognized this fact in myself. 

pride is a slippery slope.

my prayer for this week is that i'd be filled with grace and humility. that it wouldn't be about me. that stress wouldn't come because of an inflated sense of my important role in any of this. my prayer is that it is all about Him and for Him.

Thursday, August 5

soul percher

"hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul"
-emily dickinson

so it's only been a month and then some since i committed to a summer reading list. and i finally finished it! um, book number one that is. what? i do have other things going on ya know! ...sometimes. anyway, enough of this painfully un-comedic inner monologue. dialogue. um...

i just finished acedia and me by kathleen norris. while i won't write a lengthy book review, i do want to acknowledge that i learned a lot from this book. i identified a great deal with the concept of acedia and saw ways my life has been affected by it, but also found hope in methods and practices i can implore to overcome it. i'm finding myself drawn to books lately that help me to take a closer look at myself, the bad and the good, and i try to have faith that in reading them i will digest enough information to see change.

there is one passage near the end of the book that i found particular hope in:

when "one is completely listless, tepid, and unhappy, and feels separated from our Creator and Lord," he writes in his [Saint Ignatius Loyola] Spiritual Exercises,"one should never make a change." Ignatius recommends patience, and also urges the despondent person to a fresh perspective. "Desolation is meant to give us a true recognition and understanding," he states, "that we may perceive interiorly that we cannot by ourselves bring on . . . great devotion, intense love, tears, or any other spiritual consolation, but that all these are a gift and grace from God."
reading that along with this on the same day brought to my heart a sense of hope and encouragement i was lacking. i've been in my own sort of dark ages for quite some time now and have succumbed several times to resigning that things will never change. the one-two punch of this fresh perspective has helped me to understand specific ways in which my struggles might produce great character in me. whether or not these things are right will not matter in the end though, i imagine. after all, the wish isn't what sustains us; it's Hope that does.

Monday, August 2


last week was a fine summer week, friends.

i took my first vaca day of the summer to road trip to erie, pa with some of my favorite people. our main objective? (besides a whole lot of fun in the sun, of course)
oh, sweet success.

then, back to reality where i was blessed to find out that when the going gets tough, well, it's good to have a great friend around. like elaina, who surprised me with this awesome card and some good words.

and finally, the end of the week! because i am a woman and it's my prerogative or something like that, i redecorated! i decided to change the color scheme for my bedroom, which meant i got to repaint some art that i had made. my new color inspiration?

some bedroom before and after pics to follow soon (:
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