focus

lists. i love to make them. i love to cross things off of them. but the in between part - the doing? that can be my least favorite part. i recently went through a few weeks at work where my task list got longer and longer with no end in sight. at those times where there all of a sudden seem to be a thousand things that need to be done yesterday now, i succumb to feeling overwhelmed very easily.

there are usually many things i wish to accomplish in my evenings, too - cooking dinner, doing laundry, blogging, cleaning, reading [harry potter!], crafting, spending time with friends and my stud. and for some reason [just the way i'm wired, i suppose] when i feel like i'm trying to fit in too much, i give up in a sense and end up just spending my time on the couch watching hour after hour of reality tv on hulu.

source

my focus jets around in so many different directions. i don't remember feeling this overwhelmed by options when i was younger. the older i get, the more it seems is available to me. the internet alone has made this possible in infinite ways. [pinterest, anyone?] i become a little panicky and frantic, allowing myself to think here, then there, open this, then start looking at that, begin reading here, then looking there.

and after a little while, i find myself exhausted. and having gotten nowhere.

contrary to popular belief, it really isn't possible to multitask well. i can't give something my all, unless i am all there. 100%. undivided. focused.

i've found this to be so true in my writing. before finding and being introduced to countless blogs out there to read, or pinterest images to be inspired by, or shows of all sorts to watch, i simply got into my groove and wrote. i spent time thinking. i wrote for more than 20 seconds before clicking to check my facebook or my twitter feed. before becoming distracted to find that perfect picture to go with that blog post. i don't think these are bad things, in and of themselves. but i have to pause at times and question what i am sacrificing in my writing, in the working out of my thoughts, in the reflecting and refining of my heart? am i losing a piece of who i am by allowing everything around me to infuse with what's inside of me?

i believe in some ways i am.

i need to create those spaces for myself. those spaces for Him to speak to me, not the internet. how am i to hear what He wants to do with my life when i'm busying myself looking at others? how can i create when i'm spending my time looking at things already created?

inspiration is a beautiful thing. but if all i do is find inspiration but do nothing with it, i become nothing more than a bystander. i watch life go by around me, without ever embracing and living my own in abundance.

i want to give myself focus. to be pure and true to myself. to hear from Him. i want my eyes to be solely and only on Him. when i do, the details, to-do's, the pulling and pushing fade away, and what is truly important comes to the surface. and from there i am able to see with clarity to do the things He wants me to do.

i lift up my eyes to the hills-
where does my help come from?
my help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth
[psalm 121:1-2]

linking with sweet casey here.