a change of heart

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my list of needs is short.

my list of wants even longer.

i was talking [complaining] tonight about those same couple of things i always seem to find myself talking about lately. those things that i am convinced that if they would just go according to my selfish plan, i would be so much more able to be happy and thriving and do great things for God.

i came to the conclusion that things weren't happening because i wasn't presenting my requests to God. i needed to be more intentional about asking.

so i sat down with my bible and read a little before praying.

and as i got ready to tell God all the things i wanted, i found myself becoming aware of all the things i have.

as i gazed in front of me, i saw my bicycle. the bicycle i'd had money to buy this year. the  bike that i am able to enjoy riding because i have legs and arms and a healthy body.

i could see my new dining room table. i always have food to eat at it. and on saturday night, i sat there surrounded by friends.

pictures on my bookcase and fridge also reminded me i have lovely friends and family. cards on top of my fridge mean that i have people in my life who care enough to take time to actually write me a note.

i look around and am seriously so happy in my apartment. i love the hardwood floors, the space, the colors, the storage, everything about it. and i have found ways to be creative in decorating it - ways to express myself and create and craft things with my hands. i am blessed to have a home.

i came before the Lord expecting to ask Him to change some circumstances in my life and renew my confidence and trust that He would. but He revealed to me circumstances in which He has already blessed me. all around me are reasons to simply be thankful.

i don't think that means He doesn't care about the desires of my heart and the situations i'm struggling in right now. but He is more concerned about the condition of my heart. His desire is to mold and shape me, and this really is best done through trials.

i didn't get what i expected tonight. i got much more.

i'm thankful for a God whose ways are higher than my own and whose plans are better than mine. that is where my hope and confidence lies. i'm blessed by a Savior who is continually saving me from myself and making me more like Him.

give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever. [ps 107:1]