today

today two friends celebrate birthdays.

today two friends handed their 7 month old daughter to surgeons to operate on her tiny heart. (everything went well - thank you Jesus - and now they wait in recovery.)

today a woman battling cancer for the last 5 years (after being told 5 years ago she had months to live) lost her fight and passed away.

today was a day about so much of the rawness of life, the simple things it all really comes down to - life and death.

the time we have in between when we are born and when we die is really so short, no matter if it is days or decades. in it we experience births and deaths. we are witness to the full circle of what we call a lifetime. and what do we do with ours? 

days like today remind me to focus on what really matters. am i doing the things He's prepared for me to do? am i drawing closer to Him with every breath? does what i'm doing have eternal significance? am i loving others? am i being generous with the gifts He's given me?

some day this is all going to fade away. some day it will be no more. but i want it to mean something. i want my days to count.

i want to know Him before i see Him face to face.

walking on water

my car was in the shop this weekend. i'd been putting off the whole check-engine-light-being-on-thing since october. i knew at some point i'd have to take care of it. cue friday afternoon driving home from work: my thermostat began climbing higher and higher above the H til the point where i was actually afraid it would just *ping* break right off. i came to a stop sign, the car shut off and every light on the dashboard lit up. after a few tries and a few more prayers it started again.


[please, Lord, just let me make it home.]


and i made it, just in time for smoke to start pouring out of the hood.


with john's help, my car was diagnosed and being worked on by that evening. and for awhile i was thankful - thankful for making it home, for a boyfriend who came right away to help me out, for john's dad having a friend who was willing to do the work on a friday night and charge me a fraction of what it would have cost me at a regular shop.


then i looked at my bank account. and the guy who worked on my car told me there was more i really should do yesterday as soon as possible to the car. more parts to buy, more labor to pay for. and then i remembered the rent that's due next week. then i started thinking about my credit card debt. and then about how i'm not married. and how defeated i feel about my ability to make friends and how badly i just want to find people here that feel like family. and how so much of life just hurts and isolates and wounds.
and that's when i had a peter moment.

Source

one minute i was thankful and trusting God to provide for all my needs. the next i had looked away and focused on the troubles of this world and how impossible so many things seem to me.


one moment, walking on water.


the next, sinking.


i panicked. i freaked. my stomach got all tied in knots.


but then, i remembered peter. he had been walking on water until doubt caused him to sink. and it was doubt throwing me into this frenzy. the moment i started to doubt my God's protection and provision and plan for my life, the waves started crashing over me. my focus turned from Him to me and i was overwhelmed.


oh, how i need Him.


and all He asks is that i look to Him.


"you will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you." [isaiah 26:3]


peace... to calm any raging sea. gently He pulls me back up. His love washes over and exceeds all the worry and anxiety i've mustered. softly He reminds me that He will provide all my needs according to the riches of His glory. and then, He tells me to walk.

happy sale-ing

it's monday, and i have today off work. woot woot! things have been a bit crazy the last couple of weeks, so i thought it was about time to play some catch up. the church next door to the school i work for had a huge garage sale a few fridays ago. we're talking mini flea market here. the best part about it was that the money they made was raised for several missions projects the church is involved in. so how could i not wander over there for an hour or so and help some good causes? (: 

$12.50 later i walked away with these:

i had recently come across this room in all my diy/room redesign travels and fallen in love with the shutters. for $8 my dining room windows are going to be a whole lot prettier. i'm planning on using the green one to hang pictures on.

seriously i'm in love with the detail on these babies!

and of course, my book collecting habit was in temptation island that day. $.50 for softcover and $1 for hardcover and well, i stopped myself at 7. mostly because my puny arms couldn't manage any more.

i'm so excited to have john get the shutters up. and to shop for curtains for the windows too. and to spend some warm summer or chilly, rainy spring (as the case is for us here) afternoons reading!

i'd say this garage sale season is off to a super start. (:

happy monday!

ten on ten

linking up with rebekah for this fun way to capture a day, thanks to marla!

1. starting the day with a cup o' joe at work. 2. my copying skills are unmatchable. trust me. or at least just let me have this one (: 3. this big, shiny toy ring makes noise when i shake it. this goes well with my workday jamming. 4. mid-morning snack. i'll never get through that to-do list without it. 5. reading a friend's first book on the itouch during lunch 6. juicy, yummy, and hollow strawberry from a friend! 7. mat kearney's new song. so good i can't help but move when i hear it.[hello workday jamming.] it's been on repeat all day. 8. unfinished scrabble game waiting on my dining room table for me and my stud. no peeking! 9. i don't know why, but i love this tree. i've loved it since the first time i saw it driving on country roads in western new york. i think it's beautiful in every season. 10. bedtime.