[please, Lord, just let me make it home.]
and i made it, just in time for smoke to start pouring out of the hood.
with john's help, my car was diagnosed and being worked on by that evening. and for awhile i was thankful - thankful for making it home, for a boyfriend who came right away to help me out, for john's dad having a friend who was willing to do the work on a friday night and charge me a fraction of what it would have cost me at a regular shop.
then i looked at my bank account. and the guy who worked on my car told me there was more i really should do
and that's when i had a peter moment.
one minute i was thankful and trusting God to provide for all my needs. the next i had looked away and focused on the troubles of this world and how impossible so many things seem to me.
one moment, walking on water.
the next, sinking.
i panicked. i freaked. my stomach got all tied in knots.
but then, i remembered peter. he had been walking on water until doubt caused him to sink. and it was doubt throwing me into this frenzy. the moment i started to doubt my God's protection and provision and plan for my life, the waves started crashing over me. my focus turned from Him to me and i was overwhelmed.
oh, how i need Him.
and all He asks is that i look to Him.
"you will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you." [isaiah 26:3]
peace... to calm any raging sea. gently He pulls me back up. His love washes over and exceeds all the worry and anxiety i've mustered. softly He reminds me that He will provide all my needs according to the riches of His glory. and then, He tells me to walk.