right now john is sitting in the dining room studying and i am in the living room with my thoughts. tomorrow he takes his last final of the semester. one step closer. he is working towards earning his bachelors in english and special education. he spent his twenties touring in bands and living in florida with his brothers becoming a massage therapist [luuuuucky me ;) ] after the touring thing ended, he decided he wanted to become a teacher.
to say it's been a long journey feels like an understatement. he has to continue to work while in school, which limits the number of classes he can take in a semester.
this particular semester has been pretty trying for us. he had to take a class on monday and wednesday evenings. tuesdays and thursdays were taken up by homework and other things that he's a part of. in other words, we got pretty used to not really spending any time together, let alone really even seeing each, until the weekend.
as we're almost ready to put this one behind us, i've been thinking a little bit about what i can take away from these last few months. and i think a big part of that is that you can only do what you can do, and it's not worth it to feel guilty about all the rest of things you "should" be doing.
along with my fun car issues of late, john's had his own as well. and for him, it probably means looking for a new car. which will come with a car payment and an increase in his insurance. his car has barely passed for driveable the last few weeks, but the stress of the end of the semester has led to just driving it and waiting til this week to start shopping for a new vehicle.
i am really good at stressing out. when i was younger, my mom would tell me that she was afraid i was going to get an ulcer before i turned 18. i didn't, but it didn't change the fact that my default mode is to worry. and so i worried [and worry] about john's car. and i wanted him to take care of it right away.
but with everything else he had going on, he really just had to focus on finishing the end of the semester strong and deal with the car later. our prayers needed to simply be, "Lord, please let this car keep running until the end of the semester."
that doesn't sit well with my worrywart self, but it seems the class i'm taking this semester is grace. i'm learning that it's ok to give yourself a break when you don't do all the things you want to do or said you were going to do. i'm learning that sometimes you can only do what's right in front of you, first things first, and not worry about all the other things. i'm learning that life really does happen in seasons, and even when they seem forever long, there is going to be a day where i will look back at this season. i'm learning to extend grace to myself.
He promises not to give us more than we can handle, and even though sometimes it can feel like there is too much, those are the times i need to remember to cling even tighter to this promise. that's when i need to give my worry to Him and take hold of trust and find my rest in His loving arms.
and He is faithful. john has gotten where he needs to go. and he's almost done with another semester. [i'm so proud of him.] and he just informed me that his car goes into the shop on thursday, right after his semester finishes. now we can start praying about the finances. (:
i know this post was kind of long so if you're still reading, thanks. (: i feel like i've been getting caught up in a lot of blogland activity with link ups and holiday posts and such and that's not bad, but when i first started this blog [before anyone was reading], i shared more than pictures of my home and crafts. i wrote about the things i was thinking about, the ways God was revealing Himself to me, the revelations that helped me to grow. and i want to do a bit more of that in this next year. [which also means you can look forward to a post on my 2012 goals :-P]