it seems for quite some time i have been wondering and really wanting to know (warning: cliches ahead) what my "niche" is, where my place in this world/my world is, what i "do".
"Hi, my name is Sarah, and you should be my friend because ____________ ."
i want to have a "thing" - something i am known for - an identity.
when i word it that way, a number of things become clear.
my identity? i am a child of God. it's not what i do; it's who i am. and He has created me to be exactly who i am supposed to be. i can try all i want to be someone else, but i will be most fruitful when i simply am. when i am me.
it is pride and selfishness that want an identity apart from this. to be known for something, for doing. i am unimportant. that's just a fact. i am capable of nothing of true value and worth. yet, in His great mercy, God chose me, "having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we . . might be for the praise of his glory" (Eph1:11-12)... for His name's sake, not my own name or identity.
He has given me a be, and He doesn't even stop there! He blesses me with a do. for he says i am "God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for [me] to do" (Eph2:10).
until i can get it through my thick skull and even thicker ego that it is not about me, how can i expect to be used for His glory? anything done on my own efforts would bring praise or criticism back to me. a thought that sickens my soul... i must identify myself as His child, seek Him and Him alone, and this will free me to be and do.
hands off the reins. He must lead. i must follow. it's not going to start with me. and it's not going to end with me either.