sometimes sarah writes

Tuesday, January 10

ten on ten [january edition]

one photo, every hour, for ten hours.

[1] a peek into my makeup bag [2] poptarts. the breakfast of champi[gn]ons. [my last name (: spelled with a gn, but pronounced champion!] [3] signing prayer cards for our students at work [4] highlight of my morning = text from my stud [please excuse the fuzz on my phone!] [5] my tuesday jam [6] sunlight. in january. in western new york! [7] but things are still brown (: [8] grocery [9] shopping [10] home. and experimenting with bokeh light.

Saturday, January 7

oh hello, 2012

seven days in and i'm posting my new year's resolutions! it's still the first week of the year, which means they're legit nyr's [new year's resolutions], right? right.

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i love the motivation and hope that a new year brings. the clean slate it offers. my mind feels open to dream, and dream big. and i know God may have completely different plans for my 2012, but if He's ok with it, these are the things i resolve.

1. open an online shop. i spent this past summer thrifting and yard sale-ing it up. i've enjoyed decorating my home with vintage finds and crafty-ness, and i want to open a shop to share my style.

2. decorate my dining room wall. i've had these frames since the summer and basically, i'm tired of talking about hanging them and staring at them scattered across my floors! i have two more to stain and then these beauties are finding a home in my dining room.

3. pay off my credit card debt. i got hit with several major car repairs in 2011. and some major car repair bills. i also found out i'd incorrectly filed part of my taxes in 2007 and 2008, resulting in some more money owed. but, i want to work harder to be responsible with my money this year, create a budget for myself, and pay off my credit card.

4. redesign my blog. i hope to create a look that better represents me, and i'm hoping to teach myself a bit about design in the process. it's a fun way to get to exercise some creativity.

5. read at least one book a month. this is kind of like an essential nyr, isn't it? i got a kindle fire for christmas and love it, which makes me even more excited about this resolution. a few books i plan to read this year...

i am almost finished with the 5th harry potter book and plan on reading books 6 and 7 this year. i also want to read a few recommended books for becoming an indie business owner: craft, inc. and the handmade marketplace. any other suggestions, friends?

6. keep growing my hair. i chopped it to just a few inches short four years ago and since then i've tried to let it grow out, but have always gotten too impatient or found a cute short cut that i wanted to try and ended up starting all over again. this time around i'm more determined than ever to let it grow out and it's paying off! my hair is the longest it's been in a long time and i love that i can pull it back in a ponytail again. that right there has been motivation enough to keep growing it out!

2012 has already been off to a sweet start. new york is having an unusually mild winter, resulting in very little snow so far. i've spent some good time with good friends. i have resolutions that excite me, and i'm full of hope for where this year will take me!

linking up with heather

Wednesday, January 4

a second chance

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this week 2 years ago i left my home and family in new jersey to became a resident of new york, wondering what life was going to look like. to be completely honest, the last 2 years have been tough. i had such strong ideas of what i hoped for, it made for a pretty rough time. i think a lot of it was that i expected things to happen to me.

i expected the job offer i took to be the job for me, finally launching me on my career.
i expected best friends to just appear.
i expected to be busy with social commitments and new endeavors that people put in front of me.
i expected to be engaged, then married.

can we say, entitlement much?

john and i had spent a considerable amount of time waiting and praying for me to move, and i thought that when i was finally able to, the clouds would part and angels would sing and we'd get a happily ever after.

life is no fairy tale.

and it's taken me 2 years to realize that my expectations were way too... selfish. they were about me, me, me.

i've spent the last 2 years playing the blame game. i blamed john for not being who i thought he was or not making enough time for me [read: basically all my free time]. i blamed other people for not "reaching out" enough when i moved. i blamed God for opening doors and then letting me down.

eek. it's shameful to even type all of that out.

i allowed disappointment and frustration and anger to build up in me. i closed myself off from soaking in moments because they weren't what i thought they would be like. i shut myself down and isolated myself.

i was feeling pretty depressed in december about this life i had created here and about who i was becoming. because God is so good, a much needed holiday break spending time with family and friends helped rekindle the me i like being and renewed a sense of hope for my life.

i spent time owning up to my part in my own miserableness. or really, my whole. this wasn't anyone's fault except my own.

and this year i am claiming a second chance for myself.

i am fighting an internal battle that's saying it's too late to change. i'm stuck on this path. things are not going to get better.

but with the beginning of a new year comes motivation. and i might as well ride with it, right? (:

so i'm saying do-over. i want to use what i've learned and reach out. life is no good when you're busy looking in at yourself. i want to reach out to others, in friendship, in service, in thankfulness.

just because the last few years haven't been as pretty as i'd hoped, it doesn't mean the next few can't be. i want to look at life with open eyes and an open heart, to embrace it, whatever it may look like. i want to rely on His strength, to take Him up on His promises and live a life that isn't ordinary. i want to allow Him to work in me, to change me, to mold me, and to shape me into what He desires of me. and i want to surrender my expectations, so that i can accept His plans.

:: He who was seated on the throne said,

“I am making everything new!”

Then he said, “Write this down,

for these words are trustworthy and true.”

[rev 21:5]