i spend a lot of time in the "if only". thinking about what the future can hold, ways that i wish life was different, comparing myself and my life to what i perceive others around me to be and do.
this really robs me of the here and now. each moment presents an opportunity to mean something. no second has to be wasted. living life caught up in these thoughts also robs me of the things God has planned just for me. sometimes i wrestle with whether that is really true; that He really has plans for me, that He really wants to bless me, but His word says it is true so i must just drench myself in that truth.
a lot of those thoughts up there? i have a lot. or they just seem obvious at this point. don't waste today. don't waste today. don't waste today. ::broken record::
the thing i'm really wrestling now with is that this mindset doesn't have to just take something away. these dreams and ideas... well, what if i were to actually chase after some of them? i don't want an ordinary or less than ordinary life. but i'm scared to try for something more. what if i fail? what if i can't pay my bills? what if people walk out of my life because of what i'm doing? what if i actually make a difference? what if life doesn't have to be the way it is now... seemingly purposeless?
i carry a void in me. i. want. more.
what if i let the "if only"'s make me do something? to become something? to change something?
i can't be afraid to dream. God has created us to be dreamers. dream long enough and you'll inspire passion. be passionate enough and you'll find yourself driven. take that drive and turn it into action. as long as my heart is surrendered to Him and open to where He might want to take me, i think i need to dream. i pray God will delight in my dreams and even give them to me. the risk is so worth it to share in His story.