letting go

it's time to get back on the blogwagon. for some reason, i tend to approach my blog in a rather shy and insecure manner if it's been awhile since i've spent time with it. i'm not sure why i treat it like a stranger, someone i'm unfamiliar with, give a little wave and try to avoid making eye contact. i want my blog to be like a lifelong friend - the kind who, even after weeks or months of not talking, picking right back up again is as natural as ice cream in the summer and it's like the time apart simply never was.

i hold high expectations for myself and this blog. and for what? my sense of value? to let it tell me what i'm worth? to feel like i have a voice in this world? yes, yes and yes. i answer those questions honestly and then i shake my head. i know Whose i am. and no compliment on my writing, comment, or amount of page views can ever completely satisfy and quench the hole in my heart... the longing i have that can only be filled by Him alone.

so i just don't have much to say for awhile, or i can't get the words out the way i want. so i actually find myself living life and not having the time or energy to write about it. so my blog doesn't look as good as a lot of others out there, i don't write as well as some of the ladies whose blogs i read daily, and i'm just not good at keeping up with it.

i mean, i even gave myself grace when i named this blog. i write... sometimes.

and it's ok.

[say it again, sarah.]

it's ok.

this blog does not define me.

whether i get one reader or 100, the whole reason i started doing this was so that i would have a space to get my thoughts out, remember the race i'm running with Jesus and the places he's brought me and keep memories and pictures along the way.

so let's start again, blog. let's be friends with no rules and no expectations. let this place be full of grace. and let's see how beautiful life is (: