love notes

i got home friday afternoon to find that someone had sneaked into my apartment that morning and left these for me...

i love him lots and lots too.

shh... don't mind my messy bed. i'm just keepin' it real for you!

and today we celebrate two years together. i'm so blessed to have such a thoughtful stud. he makes me laugh every day. he listens to me vent, lament and show excitement. he makes me yummy food. and his hugs are the best. xoxo.

letting go

it's time to get back on the blogwagon. for some reason, i tend to approach my blog in a rather shy and insecure manner if it's been awhile since i've spent time with it. i'm not sure why i treat it like a stranger, someone i'm unfamiliar with, give a little wave and try to avoid making eye contact. i want my blog to be like a lifelong friend - the kind who, even after weeks or months of not talking, picking right back up again is as natural as ice cream in the summer and it's like the time apart simply never was.

i hold high expectations for myself and this blog. and for what? my sense of value? to let it tell me what i'm worth? to feel like i have a voice in this world? yes, yes and yes. i answer those questions honestly and then i shake my head. i know Whose i am. and no compliment on my writing, comment, or amount of page views can ever completely satisfy and quench the hole in my heart... the longing i have that can only be filled by Him alone.

so i just don't have much to say for awhile, or i can't get the words out the way i want. so i actually find myself living life and not having the time or energy to write about it. so my blog doesn't look as good as a lot of others out there, i don't write as well as some of the ladies whose blogs i read daily, and i'm just not good at keeping up with it.

i mean, i even gave myself grace when i named this blog. i write... sometimes.

and it's ok.

[say it again, sarah.]

it's ok.

this blog does not define me.

whether i get one reader or 100, the whole reason i started doing this was so that i would have a space to get my thoughts out, remember the race i'm running with Jesus and the places he's brought me and keep memories and pictures along the way.

so let's start again, blog. let's be friends with no rules and no expectations. let this place be full of grace. and let's see how beautiful life is (:

subtle hints

i accidentally wrote this on my finger this morning with my mascara. i'm taking it as a sign to live today with enthusiasm!

His perfect timing

i am not a patient person. i hate waiting. when an event or thing or idea gets into my head, i tend to let it set up shop there and grow until it's all i think about and then come to the conclusion that obviously the only acceptable moment for it to happen is "now".

a few months ago, the 2-bedroom apartment next to my 1-bedroom opened up. i wanted it. i'd never seen the inside of it. but it has 2 bedrooms, which means it has to be bigger than mine. and it's an end unit, which means it has to be brighter than mine.

the problem was, i was in the middle of my lease, which includes a cleaning contract for the apartment building and in turn, a discounted rent price. [read: it didn't feel like a good idea, especially because of the timing.]

fast forward. my lease ends february 28, and i have spent some time in prayer about my living situation. i've also been checking craigslist and other listing sites off and on, just to see what's out there. last tuesday, my landlord posted the availability of a 2-bedroom in my building.

five days, several emails, and one visit later, i will be moving march 1 to the 2-bedroom that my heart so desired in the fall.

the timing, His timing, couldn't be more perfect.

the current tenants moving out coincides perfectly with the end of my current lease.

the apartment is bigger and brighter. there are original refinished hardwood floors, and there is plentiful storage.

and the icing on the cake?

my landlord has offered to pay me to advertise, show and find a qualified tenant for the 1-bedroom.

if i am successful, it will cover the difference in rental cost between my current apartment and the new one for 6 months.

i said to john last night that i needed to write this story down because when times get hard again, i need to remember things like this and reclaim hope.

::i couldn't have asked or imagined the way in which this all unfolded.::

it is so much better than what my human efforts would have meagerly produced a few months ago.

His provision, His blessing, His timing... is so worth the wait.