His perfect timing

i am not a patient person. i hate waiting. when an event or thing or idea gets into my head, i tend to let it set up shop there and grow until it's all i think about and then come to the conclusion that obviously the only acceptable moment for it to happen is "now".

a few months ago, the 2-bedroom apartment next to my 1-bedroom opened up. i wanted it. i'd never seen the inside of it. but it has 2 bedrooms, which means it has to be bigger than mine. and it's an end unit, which means it has to be brighter than mine.

the problem was, i was in the middle of my lease, which includes a cleaning contract for the apartment building and in turn, a discounted rent price. [read: it didn't feel like a good idea, especially because of the timing.]

fast forward. my lease ends february 28, and i have spent some time in prayer about my living situation. i've also been checking craigslist and other listing sites off and on, just to see what's out there. last tuesday, my landlord posted the availability of a 2-bedroom in my building.

five days, several emails, and one visit later, i will be moving march 1 to the 2-bedroom that my heart so desired in the fall.

the timing, His timing, couldn't be more perfect.

the current tenants moving out coincides perfectly with the end of my current lease.

the apartment is bigger and brighter. there are original refinished hardwood floors, and there is plentiful storage.

and the icing on the cake?

my landlord has offered to pay me to advertise, show and find a qualified tenant for the 1-bedroom.

if i am successful, it will cover the difference in rental cost between my current apartment and the new one for 6 months.

i said to john last night that i needed to write this story down because when times get hard again, i need to remember things like this and reclaim hope.

::i couldn't have asked or imagined the way in which this all unfolded.::

it is so much better than what my human efforts would have meagerly produced a few months ago.

His provision, His blessing, His timing... is so worth the wait.

new year's resolution

i had grand ideas for my 2011 goals - make a list, sort it into tidy little categories with witty names, blog about my progress throughout the year, seize a bull by its horns... you know... really make this the year that counts.

and yet, before i'd even started, something in me already felt defeated.

it seems so easy to take a breath of fresh air at the beginning of a new year. i allow myself a blank slate. i feel motivated and energized. and why? because a calendar page is turned. why can't i feel this kind of empowering can-do attitude on march 12? or august 26? or any day of the year? 

why must this kind of carpe diem me take over for a few days in january, and then exponentially shrink back to the weighed-down-by-the-little-things-struggling-to-find-joy-in-each-day-daily-grinder me?

there's something in me that longs to be made new. there's something in me that resonates with the opportunity to have a clean slate and start again anew. there's something in me that jumps at the chance the beginning of the new year brings to do that.

we're created in the image of the Creator. and i believe that that means we are created with a desire to do the same - to create, to accomplish, to bring about. by their very definition, things that are created are things that are new.

:: if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here! (2 cor 5:17) ::

that promise holds true every day. each day does count. and each day is a clean slate. december 31 doesn't have to hold any less passion or blessing or accomplishment than january 1. God promises that i am a new creation - each and every day. 

there are still things i'd like to do and become in 2011. but instead of focusing on those things and whether or not i'm meeting my expectations in accomplishing them, i want to draw near to my Creator and ask if He'd make me new, once again, and then show me what He'd have me do with this year.

claiming joy

the end of this december marks one year since i moved to new york, leaving my family, friends, and comfort behind. to title this year the year of the funk might almost be an understatement. i let adverse situations and trying circumstances dictate my emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. i struggled and allowed myself to be defeated because i let what was going on outside of me stifle me on the inside. i waited for and expected joy to find me as though it was something i deserved after the "sacrifices" i made to be there.

:: i keep my eyes always on the Lord with him at my right hand, i will not be shaken. therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. (psalm 16:7-11) ::

joy is not something that will or will not find me because of what i've done. joy is not my circumstances working out the way i think that they should. joy is not an emotion, as I allowed myself to think it was this year. joy is a fruit of God's Spirit. joy is a result, a product, a reaping. joy comes when i keep my eyes always on Him. my hope is that this next year will be a year of joy, not because of what is going on around me, but because He is teaching me inside what joy really is.

and as I look back upon pictures from this year, it's humbling how much i am blessed.

:: i am with the love of my life, learning more about him every day and striving to learn how to love him more like Jesus does each day.

:: i have my own apartment, with my own kitchen and bathroom!

:: i have a family i love to be with, be it in new jersey or new york.

:: the skies i've seen in new york this last year are unlike any i've known before and continually fill me with wonder for their Creator.

:: country sweet chicken pizza. new york has wooed me with this stuff. sweet, dessert-like gooey wonder. a bite into a piece of this is bliss for me.

:: i am reading and writing and am relearning to do it with passion and for myself, enjoying it as much as i did when i was younger.

:: oh, and as i sit writing this post, my sisters, my best friends, sit on either side of me.

there is joy all around me.

 *******

read about more joys!

a christmas short

john, as he's eating the 5 pound burrito wegmans made for us yesterday:

"for unto us a child is born."

a merry christmas to you from john,me, and our 5 pound burrito! 

:: may you be blessed today by the Child who was truly born for us ::